Archive for October, 2010

The Resurrection

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Last night I was back at Haunted Nightmare in Bothell for more screamy mayhem. I had already been through the haunted house the week before, and it was really, really scary. It was so scary, in fact, that I’m okay with admitting that I couldn’t handle a second helping. It’s a true compliment to the actors, who all did a great job of freaking out a girl who drives a car that’s supposedly full of ghosts.

The outside activities with other vendors proved to be much tamer. I managed to snap a photo of two lovely vampires before they tried to suck my blood:

Then I popped in one of my new DVDs and enjoyed some quality time in the back of Barbie while greeting passersby. I also turned on the undercarriage lights. And the LED strips in the back. And I was charging my phone. And my headlights were on.

A couple of hours later, I got a call from a friend in town for ZomBcon, so I decided to head over to Seattle Center to say hey. I hung up the phone, made a big production of announcing my departure, put the key in the ignition, and—And then NOTHING! Because my car wouldn’t start!

Like a total rube, I had drained my battery. Knowing I’d be running a bunch of electronics at once, I bought an Optima deep-cycle battery, so I was surprised it ran out so quickly. As I watched several of the living dead hit it with the jumper cables, I made a mental note to run the engine at least every hour when I’m hanging out.

Jody, the organizer of Haunted Night, commented on how funny it was for a hearse to die on the premises. Still worried about my battery, I much later realized the haunted house is inside an unused room at Planet Jump, a mini-mecca of inflatable bouncy houses. There’s so much in a name… this time, too much!

A trip to Midas after my regular stop at the Seattle Center Elephant Car Wash confirmed the battery was low, but nearly charged since I’d been running the engine so diligently henceforth. Another happy Halloween ending to what I hope will be my scariest true story about this coming holiday weekend.

Barbie at the Bone Bash

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Last night, the Barbie Dream Hearse and I made a festive appearance at the Arthritis Foundation 2nd Annual Bone Bash at the Harbor Club in Bellevue. My donation, a three-hour ride in the BDH, received multiple bids and was auctioned off at face value. YAY!

Also, I got to spend the evening with two of my favorite people, Eli and Tricia. After a fun night of eating and auctions (both silent and very, very NOT silent), we headed to El Norte for Full Moon Goth Night. We got rockstar parking and rockstar treatment, and I’m so happy to have a new fun place to go on the north end of the city.

Eli and I dressed up as ladybugs:

And you can actually tell what my costume is from this self-shot in a fancy bathroom:

Back at the table. Let the bidding begin!

Full Album

It’s a Halloween Miracle!

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

I don’t normally go trolling for DVDs at my local supermarket, but Barbie and the Diamond Castle was at the front of the stack and I swear I heard it say, “Math is hard! Buy me!” As for the other one, if you read my FAQ, you know I’m ga-ga for Ghostbusters. I wish they had made a third one before they got all geriatric. Anyway, these flicks should provide suitable entertainment for all the car-ghosts people keep asking about. I don’t really believe in that stuff, which I think keeps me from crossing the threshold between “silly fun crazy” and “actually crazy”.

Special Appearances

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

The Barbie Dream Hearse will be on display at the Harbor Club in Downtown Bellevue for the Arthritus Foundation’s 2nd Annual Bone Bash on October 23rd. Attend the event and enter to win a wine tasting trip with Barbie!

I’ll also be hanging out at Haunted Nightmare Haunted House in Bothell on October 21st (TONIGHT!) and 28th. Come out and get freaky (in a family-friendly way, of course).

Love Letters

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

Dear Zoa Goa,

You clearly put a lot of thought into choosing a cutesy vanity plate for your 10-year-old hatchback. Now if only you could put as much energy into driving your car when the light is green. I followed you all the way down 12th Street and had to honk at you at every light in order to get you to move. I’m sure you have all kinds of serious business to conduct that takes precedence over driving, such as refinancing your credit card debt, wolfing down a Big Mac, text-fighting with your ex-girlfriend, and using a discarded two-liter Pepsi bottle to scrape the gum off your shoe. Sadly, I do not lead a life as rich and exciting as yours, and I would like to just drive when I am in my car. Perhaps you could use the money you save from switching to a credit card with a lower APR to hire someone to drive behind you and honk when the light turns green. This way you could avoid the pesky task of looking up and leave it to us plebes with nothing better to do than drive when we’re on the road.

Beep x 15,


Dear Disgruntled Hipster,

One minute you were walking up Pike Street, and the next minute you were trying to cross. That’s fine, but if you don’t pause at the crosswalk and instead make a sharp right-angle turn as I approach, don’t be surprised if I have to stop short to keep from hitting you. And don’t feed me a line about how I wasn’t watching out for pedestrians. I walk up Pike Street all the time, so I know the pedestrian’s plight. Traffic thickens, there are no lights, and your friends can’t sit at the Cha Cha and be smug all by themselves. I understand. But don’t gripe at me as I pass just because I didn’t know you wanted to cross the street before you did.

Enjoy your can of horse piss / PBR,


Dear Complete Jerk,

First of all, I apologize for not making my left turn quickly enough. Time is of the essence, and you are a very important person without a moment to spare. Second, l commend your brazen initiative in maneuvering your Ford Focus around my law-abiding death-beast so you could make your left turn a whopping 20 seconds faster. But after that, when you immediately pulled into an illegal parking space, thus solidifying your top position in the asshole food chain, I wasn’t sure whether ram you or marry you. Then as I passed, you sneered at me over the collar of your pressed striped shirt and threw a cigarette out the window, so it is with great pride and honor that I now ask for your hand.

Much love,
Mrs. Complete Jerk

Seven Drunk Women Walk into a Car…

Monday, October 11th, 2010

She: Knock knock.

Me: Who’s there?

(Awkward silence.)

She: I’m drunk.

Me: So where are we headed?

Someone else: Seriously, we want to go to the Noc Noc!

Building a Better Barbie

Sunday, October 3rd, 2010

Early fall in Seattle is pretty much heaven on earth. Since the Decibel dust has settled from last weekend and the car finally has sufficient bells and whistles (i.e. curtains and lights), I got to spend this weekend enjoying the beautiful Pac NW and concentrating on some other aspects of Barbie business.

As I’ve mentioned before, I joined the Junior League of Seattle this year because I wanted to participate in some organized community work and I also (selfishly) wanted to get connected with a giant portion of my target demographic: women ages 21-35 who like to go out. Done and done.

But what’s also cool about the league is being able to sign up for educational workshops like the ones I attended today. I learned a lot about branding and received some great advice from the guest speaker, who runs Turnstyle, a design studio in Ballard. I learned the advantages of having a living will, although being undecided about what to do with the Barbie Dream Hearse has kept from creating one. (I’ll be taking bids on Facebook next week.) And I attended a great seminar about having difficult conversations. Since I created the BDH, I’ve been dealing with both vendor and customer issues rather frequently. After spending most of my professional life in front of a computer, safely shielded from actual human interaction, dealing with these issues has been both exciting and challenging, so I appreciate having the opportunity to reflect and get some different points of view.

Yes, that’s right, your dark, fearless death cab driver is in a sorority for adults… and she LIKES it. I’m still trying to think of ways to incorporate the hearse into a future service project, because that would be the bees knees.

I don’t normally do the Google Latitudes thing (you’ll see me when you see me), but I have to say that driving down the hill from Forest Ridge School provides one of the most gorgeous distant views of downtown Seattle and downtown Bellevue I’ve ever seen.

When my lessons were done, I hightailed it back to Seattle for some quick Barbie beautification at Elephant Car Wash. I usually make the trek to Brown Bear, cursing its shitty location all the way, since I’m one of those weird people who genuinely enjoys washing my car myself. But Elephant costs just a few dollars more, they do a better job than I can, and they do it faster. They’re also really nice guys and they like the car. (Or they’re damn good actors.)

Then it was on to Tacoma, where I picked up Julian and his date for homecoming. Yay! High school dance clients! I met Julian at Crypticon, where he shot my spontaneous tutorial entitled, How to Eat a Cupcake. It was lovely to see him again and be a part of his special evening. On our way, we came up with a new slogan for the dance: “Homecoming 2010: Dat’s Romannic an’ Sheeit”.

My trip to Tacoma involved a long trip down a strange road. McKinley is home to what looks like some of the best Mexican food, dollar stores, and sketchy townfolk for miles. Plus, there’s a repair shop called Jesus Muffler. Car problems? Freaking JESUS is on that shit.

After dropping off my charges and showboating around downtown, I went back to the Hill to show my car to Jeshua at Licorous, which is quickly becoming my new favorite drive-by-say-hi place. There’s always a spot out front to accommodate me AND there are always people walking out who are unabashedly interested in checking out the car. That combination of circumstances is so rare, I can’t believe I happened upon them in my own neighborhood. Let’s hope it stays this way.

I cruised for a bit, and picked up a nice couple who saw me at Decibel Festival. Their location allowed me a short trip back down the hill to see the last of twilight grace the stunning city skyline, riiiight here:

I had dinner with a friend by the water last night and he took the words right out of my mouth when he said, “Dude, we LIVE here.” It really is borderline unfair.

So if it’s all so gorgeous, where are the pictures? *sigh* The Barbie Dream Hearse has two cameras, but her driver has only a lousy camera phone. If any photographers want to barter an old camera in good condition in exchange for a ride, hit me up! Consider it an indirect public service.

Weirdo Alert

Friday, October 1st, 2010

Lance: your hearse kind of scars me
well, not really scares, just makes me uncomfortable

Me: thanks for the information, but I’m not sure what I can do to help you

Lance: oooohhh kay then. Just trying to chat. sorry

Me: I’m not sure what you were expecting me to say

(System Message) You don’t have permission to chat with this person.

Wow, butthurt much? If you’re going to facebook-message a total stranger out of nowhere, might I suggest being more open to her responses and explaining the purpose of your communication a bit more clearly?

Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing from people. Usually people tell me they dig the car, which makes me happy to hear. Every now and then I get a vehement hate message, such as “I know who you are and I hate you and I hope you get sued.” That’s fine, too. It’s nice to know where I stand with someone I’ve never met whose well being is of no concern to me.

But if you are indeed just looking for conversation, try practicing with people you know, your mom, the neighborhood squirrels, and other living things that could provide you with some feedback on your communication skills before getting all up in my shit. Thanks.